Transforming Church

Good relationships are essential to effective leadership. There is no end to the lessons, seminars, books and principles on relationships. And the Bible offers a vast amount of wisdom on relationships. Matthew &:1-4 says: "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?"

Colossians 3:12-14 gives us a great challenge: "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Matthew 7:12 wraps it all up with: "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."

There are dozens more biblical principles offering guidance in relationships. You could spend days reading them all and your lifetime learning to live them. But I want to tackle just three simply relational ideas by asking you three questions.

• Are you redemptive by nature?
Do you forgive others easily? This is a hallmark trait of those who are redemptive in their leadership style. You might argue that no one is redemptive by nature. I'm not attempting to make a theological statement as much as I want to present a question about human nature and your basic approach to people.

So let's go back to the question. Do you forgive others easily? What is forgiven has to be about something significant, not about someone cutting you off on the highway. Something that really hurt, something that really mattered.

If you let a staff member go, are you "done" with them, or do you do your best to help them transition to another good job? When you work with a key leader and the church and they make a big mistake, do you tend to move on to another leader or help them learn from their mistake and develop into a better leader?

That's the core of the matter on a practical level. The opposite of redemptive in this context is not destructive, though taken to extremes it could be. The opposite is manipulative, using people for your gain rather than their growth. I'm not suggesting with malice, just the absence of caring about their best interest is enough. Leaders who lead others to their best capability are those who understand relational leadership at the deepest levels. This redemptive leadership is costly. It costs you time and resources. It tests your patience, pride, and true purpose. Redemptive leadership is filled with grace, sacrifice, and always believes the best. The results are amazing.

• Would others describe you as having a positive attitude?
I always smile when I hear the story about the man falling from the top of a fourteen story building. As he flew by the seventh floor someone called out: "How are you?!!" And he yelled back: "So far so good!" Now that guy has a positive attitude!

A few people are born with a positive attitude. They seem happy about everything. We all love having those people around. They make life better. It just comes natural to them. But my experience tells me that group is a very small group. My experience tells me that most people you encounter who possess a consistently good attitude have it because they intentionally cultivate it.

Let me be blunt. If you are a negative person, gloomy, and often down in the dumps, people don't want to be around you. You may love Jesus, be very smart, and even competent in your work. But if you are sullen people are heading in the other direction.

Life is tough enough. Life is good, but it's difficult. People want to be around people who lift them up. In fact, they will seek out people who are encouraging and have a hopeful disposition about life in general. Everyone has a bad day on occasion. But leaders who are great with people are amazingly consistent with their positive attitude. Even if it doesn't come naturally, they are quick to smile and bring a positive perspective to the table. How about you, do you possess an uplifting spirit?

• Do you love people?
Keep reading. This question contains the inherent danger of the easy answer. "Of course I love people!" My point isn't to question your love of others, but to test it. If you are a parent you know the difference. No one, not even my kids would question my love for them, but even they can test my love for them! It's in those moments of testing we discover the depth of our love.

I believe this matter of loving others is what sets us as Christian leaders apart from all other leaders. There is a human love that is genuine and even sacrificial. So sacrifice can't be the only or primary difference. It must be in our new nature to love others (II Corinthians 5:17; Colossians 3) because on our own we are instinctively selfish. No matter how noble in a moment, we will eventually turn to self without the power and presence of the Holy Spirit within us. That's the key, when under pressure who is first, you or the other person(s)?

That's the core of loving others. It's about putting them first. I've watched salesman, firemen, business people, doctors, carpenters, and pastors who excel and those who don't. It's true that there is much about competence in play, but I've grown certain in my belief that those who rise to true and lasting significance are those who genuinely love others. If we can grant competence for the moment, love separates the good from the great. Love is what lifts someone who is good at what they do to one who is great at what they do. Some people are tough to love. Love them anyway.

Simply relational -- Not so simple, I know. But a worthwhile journey and I hope that these two articles have added some value to your personal and leadership life.

To check out Part 1 of this article, click here.

“This article is used by permission from Dr. Dan Reiland’s free bi-monthly e-newsletter, “The Pastor’s Coach,” December 18, 2009, available at www.INJOY.com.”